You do things to excess.
Yes this was said to me by the very beautiful Ivette.
A woman who had many issues, yet, like most human beings found time to assess me.
She was right about me, at the time. What an amazing faculty we possess as humans. Looking outward we put our finger on the pulse of all we survey. But to assess inwardly, that winds up being a blind spot.
But it is not like we don’t wish to fix ourselves. Especially in this manner; self correction. Yes we love this practice, for it is Void spawned.
The Void within is not only the place where the Spirit of God once resided, but it is also a place of trauma. It lends substance to external negative occurrences. Without its presence within, all the externals would have no way of being given preference, no scale for assessment, no coloring, no configurations.
There exists within the system God has opened up for me, much more I could add to the above but, for the purpose of this one post, I must limit what I relate.
Don’t be leery, I am not a mystic. All these things I propose are based on the Bible. These are things which have resourced my faith. I suppose I have been forced to learned these things because it was hard for me to see my way through all the morass in modern times, to find my way to a more resilient faith in God. But I do have, Faith in God’s plan and Christ’s finished work upon the cross. Amen.
Now to return to Ivette, and what she hit the nail on the head concerning me, and my delusions.
This is what prompted her saying that;
One day I visited her and her kids. There was nothing to eat at her house. I, without a word, left the apartment (Bronx NYC, Vise Avenue) and went to the Bodega, two blocks down. Bought some lunchmeat, bread, mayo, mustard, drink, and snacks.
Came back to the apartment. Started unpacking the items upon the kitchen table. The kid’s eyeballs were sticking slobbering tongues out (happy and relieved).
I started giving things out, and preparing sandwiches (also had lettuce, tomatoes, onion, etc.). There she was, like the master of the Manor, surveying all this.
“Tu eres muy exagerado”; You are very exaggerated. Or a person who goes overboard unnecessarily. IE without a restraint, prompted from common sense.
The expenditure came to almost forty dollars.
Now, just for fun, let me tell you this; She said this with disdain. Reproval. But she was flirting with me also. A man knows. This was a reunion for us. I knew her like a book without a cover, or intro.
But here comes the real object lesson in all this which I want to convey to you; I wanted to impress them all.
Remember Duality. I have taught that it is Voidal in composition. Though it is everywhere in nature it also gets used as part of our drive from within.
At the time of this event, I was in possession of very little self orientation, I just went with the flow. “Mike”, me.
So just picture: I was driven with a false confidence to act. Within I had a sense of insecurity, and it was duality which dictated that I vesture my deeds with exaggeration. I had produced a major studio production. It was intended to impress. I had assigned myself a role.
But here’s the problem; IE no consistence. This deed was spawned out of a flimsy none structure supplemented center. And so, as desperate to replace a pragmatism as it was, it conveyed no permanence.
She identified it with such clarity that in fact, I was disarmed. Disclosed.
Remember, she was a Spanish babe, Puerto Rican, and sometimes, insightful and dangerous (part of the appeal).
I was in need of that, having grown up in the gangs. I usually would place myself in the jaws of the lion who would teach me lessons which would disabuse me of illusions.
What do you think, leave a observation below. I will be kind (promise).
I can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, and
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