The following is autobiographical, humiliating, but true. I think I likely have written about this before, and folks have confided as to its help in their lives, so listen up, perhaps you can share this with someone.
Married 18 years, with three beautiful daughters. My wife after having been unfaithful twice, yet we remained together. I asked of her, before the 18 years were fulfilled, “Please, if it is to happen the third time, give me a heads up…”
She did and after acting out the typical drama, I decided to leave the relationship. For those of you who are curious as to what some of that drama entailed. I got my Cerificate of Ordination out and set fire to it over the stove to get a typical rise out of her (I refused to believe that I had no power over this woman; Ego), however this produced no reaction, as is typical, she had transferred “title to her affections” to another man.
This is the plight of romantic affections, friend. Mind you, I did a lot which contributed to this, yet not justifying this. But yes, I needed this to happen in my life so that maturity would set in. God was to use this in my life.
Now back to those days….
I could not find sleep, I ate very little. I read the Bible, and studied it over and over. Paced the floor over and over, during the night. However, I refused to latch unto more trouble, meaning; another relationship.
Clavo Con Clavo No Se Saca. IE You cannot remove a nail with another nail.
She begged me for the kids; she gave the speech about how the kids belong with their mother. I acquiesced to this. I suppose the man she was with, agreed to take them on. In two months, she asked me to take the kids, which I did.
As to my troubling behavior; I visited her (while she yet had the kids) rapping, rapping relentlelessly. Applying all my charms (silly). “Maybe in ten years.”, was her response. In less than two years she asked me to take her back. But before then God had delivered me from the broken Psyche spell. I did not take her back.
One of my kids was raped during that time spent with her. Which I did not find out till years later. This one kid made my life very difficult, using violence against me. I learned a great deal from this child.
Any way back to the behavior manifested by me during this suffering ego venture; I’d be alongside her when she would be crossing the street. Begging her to come back to me, yacking (me), she, except for the laughing at my jokes, unresponsive.
Mind you, all this time, I was reading the Bible, studying it and doing lots of writing. I’d been a Alcoholic as a young man, can you imagine what my life would have been if I’d taken just one drink during this crises? God kept me from that. Now, when I say, “writing”, I mean analyzing my situation (and of course some notes on my Bible studying).
Well, I had reached a crossroads, I was tired of my behavior, I was tired of what I thought was “my love” within my breast.
I said; “Lord, give me something, you have to give me something, for I cannot stand this part”, this behavior. Imprisonment.
It was at the beginning of that week that a proverb began to take shape in my soul. I began to sketch it out, flesh the thought out on paper. I had it in full within my Spirit but I needed to word it out, so that my intellect might connect with it. That I might receive it.
what I write below is its completed stage;
“It is not good to remain in the field of battle, waiting for another chance to prove your mettle, while your enemy is off celebrating your defeat”
I was done.
Yup, it seems that this, above, is what many of us are doing with our lives.
If you wish to share the post, reblog, okay but please, the quote is mine from God, don’t mess with that copyright.
Thanks for visting, I hope that you have found some help here. Love; MAO
I can be reached at email@example.com or at face book as Miguel Angel Oquendo (one in Huachuca City Az., there are a few others bearing my name)