Hard To Let Go

Let us begin with the word investment.

Yes, that is how it began. The investment in the Dance of “love”.

Once you’ve cast your bid it is; In for a penny, in for a pound.

It becomes a commitment, an unspoken contract which will only end down one road, and though the tributaries are several their source is but one; in this case, your heart.

The penalty for owing a penny was the same as the penalty for owing a pound (pound sterling). And so it is with the tendency to invest in a romantic relationship. It becomes easier to invest more. Before you know it there is someone walking around with your hopes invested in them. Play it out. Play it out.

I don’t blame you. I don’t believe you are stupid, no, no.

But there are a few items which you should be aware of, for the sake of the union.

It is a journey. No, not a wishy washy, illusory ideal. Uhn uh. But one, instead seeking something higher than the two of you can afford. This is precisely why you enter the sanctuary and divest your self of you. It tends to do that.Romance tends to require this of one. You approach the fire and throw something into the fire. All the while believing; “Surely this which is demonstrative of my “love” will be valued, cherished, esteemed highly (perhaps even worshipped, adored).”

Your ideals come dressed in many brilliant colors, blinding, flashy. Composed of various, lovely romantic themes, and it is these you cast as offerings into the fire. Worshipping your union.

Well guess what, all those things which you both throw into the fire are but dross.

It is not what you bring to the fire, but what remains to you which is of  value.

Destitution takes you to the end of the journey.

It is a good thing that the idol you both sacrifice to is vain, a mere edifice of futility. Thereby being such, it rightly cannot help but vacuum up from you valueless and impotent ideals.

In the meanwhile as you both cover ground upon this journey, you intuit the truth. You intuit your incapacity, your lack, and so you meet up with contradictions, disappointments, mountains to climb, obstacles to defeat. All the while becoming exhausted, feeling defeated while you should feel the victor.

You look for a way then, a manner through which you might redeem your “self esteem”. 

We are indoctrinated into many themes, many dramas. Shall we take the road of the martyr. Shall we choose the one of destroyer, and retaliate, illustrate vindictiveness. Shall we be justified, will a specific reaction vindicate us. Will it be known, accepted by all who see us at the end of it, the drama, to say, “It was, after all, justified”.

Publicly praised for our honor. Yet within, such a cavity, such a loss, such a pain which no amount of praise can erase. Intolerable. As if we are a corpse, the walking dead.

Words cannot describe the absence within, the gaping hole which we try to obscure, to cover with the god of reason. 

There aint no good guy, there aint no bad guy, there’s only you and me and we just disagree. (Dave Mason song)

Hard to let go, impossible to gloss over.

But wait a moment. Wait a moment. This has been the use of all this enactment, of all this drama…..

To wit, to bring us to this juncture. In fact all of life has been designed by the Biblical event, the Fall of man, the gaping hole within makes of all of our activities, pastimes naught but instruments which are to mirror this gaping hole which was already within, to give it substance, that we might understand our predicament, our need; The return to us, the filling of the Life of God.

Futility.

All that we partake in must be reduced to this; the fulfillment of the Void within.

Thank you for reading, hope you in some way appreciated this venture. I can be spoken to in the comments below, or at kingrat1397@gmail.com or even messaged on face book as Miguel Angel Oquendo (of Huachuca City, Az.)

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