Well, here I am again.
But now I resume where I left off; IE the 2nd created piece of writing which sustained me tremendously at a very trying time in my life.
I needed a real something then, I was a broken person. My composure was dismantled.
The strong facade, portrayal was toppled by circumstances. My wife’s infidelity. As I said before….
Yes, I contributed to it, aside from her own history of having experienced child sexual molestation. You see we are all in the stew pot. Adamic Stew Pot.
The Void must be mirrored, as I say in general in my writings (andnowmiguel.wordpress.com). The Void is death, Spiritual death, separation from the Life of God. JD Mays and her lovely husband are familiar with some of my themes.
The following, is funny in retrospect, though provoking pity. You see, I had told her after the second infidelity; Three strikes and it is over. So give me a hi sign before you venture into the 3rd one.
She did, and I left, leaving her the apartment and the kids, which she asked for; “You know how a mother is very close to the kids she gave birth to…” She said.
My middle child (had 3 daughters) was raped unbeknownst to her, during her nightly ventures. I had a lot of trouble from this child as a result later on not knowing of the rape. Foolishly she gave them so much freedom which allowed for this rape. This was a rebellion against the family structure I had supported while I was there. A subconscious rebellion to justify her role in the marriage. I was the too strict guy.
Well it turned out that subconsciously I was bluffing. I was so angry that I could not get a rise out of her. When another takes over your “kingdom”, favored over you. You cannot stir up, the burnt out embers.
I found myself, and mind you this was due to identity, surprising this woman, keeping pace with her as she would cross a street in Brooklyn N.Y., trying to persuade her to get back into the program (crazy huh?). Yes that’s precisely what it was; A value Identity thing, a representation of Value Identity, not love. The aforesaid I discovered it to be after years of self imposed therapy. You see the weight, power of the Void in us inherited from The Adamic Loss, the Adamic Fall, sends us out to build systems of compared assumed Value, mere band aides which are assembled to keep us from confronting the truth that we require more of the Life, if not the Life of God to actually have a Life.
Understand that It doesn’t hurt to agree with this knowledge.
I’m for a romantic relation, once it is put into perspective; “In the light of his Glory, and Grace.” “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”.
Keep the home fires burning, do the best you can to keep it unified; The home, marriage, Family.
Back to the telling (why do you keep interrupting…).
I was a bundle of nerves living on Anxiety hour after hour.
I was very meticulous about my appearance, you can imagine, trying to recapture all the tools, elements which had composed our lie, our dud illusion. Ha
And the part of me which knew how strong a person I had been, now liked none of this (my pursuing her, sneaking up on her), which included inability to sleep. A zombie up twenty four hrs and not needing sleep, trying to run away from self.
Once again, I turned to God as all this was designed to bring about. Because God knew I would come out alright, provided I came back home to the arms I belonged in; His Love. Looking toward him. My provider.
Lord give me something. Don’t leave me out here, give me back my Identity, please.
He responded after the right amount of time was consumed, necessarily.
My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord (paraphrase??).
It took a week, seven days to construct it. It began like a tease, a whisper in my subconscious. He knew I did a lot of writing, self analysis. I had studied a lot of Psychology (books) on my own.
Writing (there I was, commenced), and rewriting. Discarding. Keeping some fragments. Waking up seeing this as a mission, I had to make this complete as God would have it.
Then upon the seventh day I finished it.
I read it and under conviction, felt that I was done. This was it (finished product).
Here it is below, and it applies to a lot of areas in life which we need to drop, let go of…….
“It is not good to remain upon the field of battle, waiting for another chance to prove your mettle, while your enemy is off celebrating your defeat.”
Author; Miguel Angel Oquendo.
Yes this is the proverb, saying that God worked into my being which put an end to the fracture, and I let go.
She had said that perhaps after ten years she would return to me. In two years she sought me out.
Even my lovely Opal, oldest of three daughters, told her, “Mom leave him alone, he has no interest in you.” Poor baby (Opal) for she was just terrified that I would go back to her and be the distraught person, lacking confidence which was the outcome of our romantic venture.
I want you guys to know that this proverb might be across America by now, for I have published it in lots of places. Folk are not above appropriating it, even changing the words.
But maybe you can tell that the Spirit doesn’t lie.
If you got to this point, you did well for this has been a long story. Thanks for reading. Sincerely; MAO
Thanks for the visit, I can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Face Book as Miguel Angel Oquendo (“Mickey” of Huachuca City, Az.)
Also these very reliable men might be near your area; Reverend Angel L. Oquendo (my Brother) at MinisterioAPG (Pembroke Pines Florida) on face book (Spanish and English), or Reverend Bob Schembre on face book also (Missouri